


i feel half alive

by ohallows



Series: azu week 2020 [1]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: (that scene where azu cuddles sasha), Boundaries, Gen, Introspection, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26814718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/pseuds/ohallows
Summary: Sasha is freezing, in her arms. She’s not shaking, she’s completely still, and that terrifies Azu even more. Her head and her heart are both racing, as she tries to remember anything else from seminary that will help warm Sasha up.It’s hard, with magic out of the question. Azu’s tempted, but the risks outweigh the possible reward. Sasha’s already been hurt by so many people in her life; Azu refuses to become one of them.
Relationships: (shippy if you want), Azu & Sasha Racket
Series: azu week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955713
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31
Collections: Azu Week 2020





	i feel half alive

**Author's Note:**

> hi i have been in the worst state of writers block ever since like a month ago so we are out here Doing Our Best okay. 
> 
> vague azusasha uhhh i think i wrote smth like this b4 but justtttt go w it

Sasha is freezing, in her arms. She’s not shaking, she’s completely still, and that terrifies Azu even more. Her head and her heart are both racing, as she tries to remember anything else from seminary that will help warm Sasha up. 

It’s hard, with magic out of the question. Azu’s tempted, but the risks outweigh the possible reward. Sasha’s already been hurt by so many people in her life; Azu refuses to become one of them. 

Rome is the worst. Azu’s hated every part of it so far; every waking moment spent in this desolate wasteland makes her feel  _ so  _ alone, even with her friends around her. She can’t feel Aphrodite, in this place, and the gaping maw of  _ emptiness  _ where her goddess once sat in her chest is making her feel weaker than she ever has before. 

They can’t leave. Not when the Cult has the people they love, somewhere in this hellscape. Azu would never be able to leave any of them behind, would never even dream of it, and as much as it  _ hurts,  _ she can live with the emptiness in her chest if it means she doesn’t let Emeka - doesn’t let  _ any  _ of them - down again. 

She scoots a bit closer to Sasha, sending useless prayers up into the sky to Aphrodite, begging her for any sort of help. Azu has a lot of complicated feelings as she moves closer, because she  _ knows  _ Sasha doesn’t like to be touched, and she wants to respect Sasha’s boundaries, but if she doesn’t hold Sasha close, doesn’t keep her warm through the night, then Sasha might die, and that outcome is… completely untenable. Unimaginable. 

She hopes Sasha won’t hate her for it, in the morning. That she won’t wake up to empty arms, and a new chip of distrust on Sasha’s shoulders. She doesn’t think she could bear to be one of the people Sasha looks at like that; but if it’s a choice between Sasha no longer trusting her, and Sasha  _ being dead,  _ then Azu would make this choice again and again. 

That doesn’t mean she has to  _ like  _ the outcome. 

Azu squeezes her eyes shut, and presses her forehead against the back of Sasha’s neck, hoping against hope that this will be enough to keep her safe through the night. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, too quiet for Einstein to hear in his vase, too quiet for Hamid to hear as he sits on watch. She’ll say it again, as many times as she needs to. 

“S’okay,” Sasha mutters back, and Azu nearly jumps - honestly, had her arms not been carefully,  _ so  _ carefully, wrapped around Sasha, she might have. 

“I thought you were asleep,” she whispers, and Sasha shrugs.

“Been in and out,” she says. She’s slurring a bit, and Azu can hear the undercurrent of pain in her voice. All she wants is to heal her, to call upon Aphrodite and protect someone she’s grown to care very deeply about, indeed. 

“...I am sorry, Sasha,” Azu says. “For… I know you don’t -“

“It’s fine. I trust you, okay?” Sasha says. She shifts a bit on the ground, making a quiet, pained noise as she moves. Azu’s arms tense; she wishes that there was more she could do. 

“Thank you,” she says, and realises that this is the first time Sasha hasn’t backed away from a hug - or, well, a facsimile of one, really, but Azu will take the victories where she can, at this stage. 

“You’re really warm,” Sasha mumbles. She sound half-asleep already, and the beginning of her sentence is nearly lost to a yawn. Azu can’t help the rush of fondness that sweeps through her veins, or the warm blush that creeps up the back of her neck. The heart necklace, which has been nothing but cold metal since the moment they entered Rome, warms slightly where it’s pressed against her chest, and Azu wonders if Sasha can feel it against her back.

“Get some rest,” Azu murmurs instead of anything else. “It will help with the pain.”

Sasha makes a vague noise of assent, and settles back into Azu’s arms. It doesn’t take long before she’s finally fallen back asleep, chest rising and falling rhythmically, and Azu does her best to follow. They’ll be traversing the rest of Rome tomorrow, hopefully to find their friends and family. She’ll need to be as well-rested as possible in order to save everyone. 


End file.
